April 4, 2021 thinking about you song

april 11/ 2021 after reading they both die at the end

is raining here today. the breeze is cold, and the trees shake. 

how do I explain how I feel? I feel like I love you. so, tell me how do deal with this rainy day because I cannot feel this way. you are on my mind, and I am scared that I will not see you today, but then when I have seen you, I have been difficult fighting with this internal rain. I feel like I want you, and I want to be close of you all the time. I do not want to be obsessed; I just want to it to feel right.

I miss you. this book I just finished reading remind me even more of you. Signs sometimes does not exist unless we are looking for them, maybe that is why I can see a sign in the last pages of this book that guide me to you. I am sorry I have been so handful, and I am scared about the future. I wish I could be stronger, but I everyday inside me feels like weak storm. you are so patient and good. you always choose me, and I am still scared that you would not. I need to improve because I want us to last. 

July 20, 2020

Because everything remind me of her.

september 20, 2019 One more night

 I need to write down here all the words that I need to say. Right now I find myself with the wish to reach you. I want to be able to share all with you or at least what I think right now, but I definitely should not, and before, only deep inside me I knew that I should not, now I am conscious of it, and that is the reason I am writing down here my thoughts.

It is ironic how when I am with you, I found myself forgetting all I want to say, and I feel sad for the urge I felt before to leave. I can say that I was exhausted, and moody like recently I feel, and I needed space.
It is ironic how much I want you right now, but when I am with you, I feel myself letting you escape.
You are the sand that I try to keep on my hands.

september 2019